marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
