Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
