why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
