You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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