WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
