Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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