the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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