Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
