I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
