Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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