You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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