if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
