He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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