if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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