The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
