When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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