Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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