you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How naked do you want me to be?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
