You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
