Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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