Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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