He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
