i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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