now i know why i became what i already was.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
