Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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