Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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