we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
