He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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