She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
