dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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