if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she looked like the before picture.
Is it because I queefed?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
