You're my little dorito
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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