Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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