Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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