its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
how drunk are you?
Several
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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