he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
