I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
