she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
