So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
