I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
