In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
