You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
