Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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