So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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