He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I party with great urgency now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
