i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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