i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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