i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
