do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
