you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
