what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
