I feel like abortions should bother me more
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we should paint friendship bongs
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