If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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