Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
