I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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