the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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