How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
