I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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