So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
