Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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